I celebrated my birthday last month and my daughters will be celebrating birthdays in the next couple of weeks. My youngest will be a teenager. Normally, I am not one of those people that get all worked up over turning another year older. Except for a few mile stones, I celebrate my age and the hopeful wisdom that comes with it. However, this year as I slide into my mid forties, I am a little squeamish. I realized the other day as I was holding my niece's baby that my baby making years are coming to an end. Mostly by choice but a little by the circle of life. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the freedom of being baby-less and having more time to spend on my husband or me. I don't necessarily have the desire to become pregnant or have another child. But I do miss the nurturing focus that an infant craves. My girls are frustrated by the attention and/or focus that I am thrusting upon them. Just yesterday, my daughter suggested I get a hobby or something as I was attempting to help her organize her room and fix a teen girl drama.
The rational side of me is willing to admit that this loud ticking of biological clock may have less to do with my need to procreate than my teenage girls preparing to leave the nest. I think I can reconcile with becoming a crone, I don't think I am prepared to reconcile with not being needed. An infant needs you and has no choice but to count on you for survival but a teenager can take you or leave you. Darn little darlings are ticking bombs of maturity and created the fuse.
By the way, anyone know how to get this ticking out of your head? Tick, tock.
Sparky, the feeling will pass, as well as your biological clock. The best is to come. That's where the kids, bearing their kids come flocking back to the nest in disarray, unable to cope with adult or family life. Then is when you realize that getting old is not getting over things. Drop wm a line next time you hit Ralph's.
ReplyDeleteSparky, cos of my job and the amount of lads I had there has always been an 'under 2' in this house for nigh on 25 years :)..... and tomorrow I have yet another baby of 5 months starting in my care..... and another 6 month baby starting in Feb, plus the other 13 nippers during the different times of the week.. most of which Ive had since babies but are now growing... so I do still get me day dose of babies and all that comes with it, except I get to help grow and nurture and guide them, then give them back at 6pm lol....
ReplyDeleteYet at my age I would still love another child, I would of loved to of meet someone a few years ago that would of loved a child by/with me.... LOL.... so, if one has that maternal whisper deep in your soul, it never goes away..... until that clock ticks its last tock.....
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